Will it get better?

I grabbed the bull by the nuts today and went and talked to my VP. I gave him all the reasons I was unhappy and frustrated with this place and informed him that I could get a better paying pretty much anytime.

Talk is cheap however and I mentioned how I was lied to by the president when we signed my contract. I gave him a 6 month deadline to get the management structure changed and my pay situation improved.

So June 10th is it.

Muddling through

I try really hard to fit in. When i was younger I lacked the social skill set and understanding to really get along in the world. I do not know if this is because I was gay and cut myself off in fear of rejection or due to the fairly debilitating social anxiety I had to deal with on a day to day basis.

I remember before school when I was young raging panic attacks that I would get before having to go to school it happened at least once a week. I remember a time when phone calls were the source of terror. Its been almost 6 years since I have had a real big one.

Now that I am older I fake social understanding pretty well i can relate to people better and the attacks don't happen any more. I don't self medicate with beer like I used to however I still do not deal with confrontation very well ( i was shaking for over an hour after yesterday's blowout). What gets me through times like that is realizing a lot of it is just my brain fucking with me.

I still sometimes feel that I fail at being real people. I also feel that any reasonable person would have left my job and company years ago. Seriously am I really that much better than I was when I was young? Do I stay for the security of my routine? Is this some sort of OCD punishment that I feel I deserve for my imperfections? I am 27 years old with a raging stress induced ulcer and a restricted diet that I can't seem to follow. I know that everyone has flaws and these are some of my own. I just don't know how much longer I can punish myself at this place. I am gonna talk to the VP today as things have got to change.

MINI HULK SMASH

Got in a massive throw down with our ceo today in front of a ton of people. I was very very close to walking out right then and there.

He had the balls to question my commitment to the company and my work ethic because I told him we could not give out certain data on a project.

I fucking lost it on him.

He apologized after.

It was great but I am still in a foul mood. We are going for drinks at the Pint tonight to watch the oilers game. Some good company and Dustin Penner's dreamy blue eyes should perk me up.

Amazing race finale wrapup

Well Sunday was the amazing race finale. I was surprisingly not invested in it. I was glad that barbie and ken won they kicked ass the whole race. The problem I have with the race is the last 4 or so episodes are never all that good. It was getting hard too root for any of the teams towards the end this season because they were all so grating. Isn't the point of the show to make you want to cheer for someone. After Matt and Gary left the show there really wasn't a likable team left. Granted those two both seemed like actually decent people.


My only hope watching it was the Brian and Ericka would lose. This is not because she was exactly how i would imagine a high maintenance beauty queen to be like aka B-I-T-C-H but because they had to be the luckiest team in amazing race history. How they made it to the final while other more deserving teams did not totally amazes me. Also maybe this is a cultural thing that I am totally missing being Canadian but are interracial marriages still a big deal in the states?? Seriously??

Also I would like to note that if you are one of the many guys and gals searching for Matt Tomljenovich shirtless or wondering if he is gay (these are by far the two most searched terms that lead people here) Here are some answers.

1. Matt Tomljenovich is Not gay. Yes he is a super fucking hot cub. Buut his girlfriend (or someone claiming to be his girlfriend) stated such on my previous post about him that he is very much straight. I have no reason to believe otherwise especially after the hot chick in the sauna. So yes hot, tattooed, outdoorsy, sweetheart aaaand gay was too much to ask for. You will just have to settle for this eye candy i put together.

2. Here are some of Matt shirtless because I know a ton of you guys and girls are lookin for it.

Poisoning Albertans so that big oil can profit

Last night the Edmonton Journal posted a well timed study on the effect the oil sands are having on the Athabasca river. Basically it is the equivalent of a perpetual oil spill that happens year round 24/7. The report states that the presence of toxic chemicals in the river and surrounding watershed are up to 50 times higher downstream of the oilsands.

The Alberta government unsurprisingly does not think this is a problem. That is because big oil has owned this government for decades. I wonder how the conservatives they would feel if they were drinking that water every day.

It is times like this I get really upset with politics in general. There is no accountability anymore. The big corporations and outside interests will get the people elected who will serve the best interests of their bottom line. So much for government of the people, by the people, for the people. I hate to break it to anyone but government like this perished from the earth many years ago.

Welcome to my nightmare

It is hard being an environmentalist in Alberta. In fact i would say it is far easier to be gay than eco -friendly. Saying you disagree with the incredibly wasteful oil sands development in favor of more renewable resources is like walking into a man's house and stealing his paycheck and punching his wife in the face and then scratching the hood of his ridiculous suv.

Its a big oil economy here and millions are spent by companies to spread propaganda to there own workers to ensure there is enough fear to prevent any real slowdown in development.

It makes me feel a little better that the world is finally starting to focus on what a backwards and damaging program the athabasca oilsands are.

Hat tip to Andrew Sullivan. Spread the word.

H2oil animated sequences from Dale Hayward on Vimeo.

Snowed in

The fella and I had planned to go do a good chunk of our christmas shopping today and then a wine and cheese tasting tonight. Unfortunately we are experiencing a blizzard that meteorologists say could drop up to 30 cm of snow in some places. We have already seen about 15 cm with drifting being a major problem.

The police have requested that no one not travel any of the roads unless for emergency. All we can hear outside is the constant beeps of the snow plows and the sirens from the police cars. Its like nuclear winter has set in. Makes me think I should move to a warmer climate. So those of you in warmer places go out and enjoy yourself for me tonight we are going to stay in and find ways to pass the time ;)

Image via the Edmonton Journal